Article: 136046 of soc.culture.british From: DickJgnn.com (Dick Jackson) zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) wrote: >>Summary: >> uk.sheds is a newsgroup dedicated to the appreciation of sheds > and >> the furtherance of shededness among the general population. Hang on here, chaps! General population of what? Many of us ex-pats are cut off from the uk.* groups. While I applaud the creation of a shed group, I believe it should be under sci.* Probably just sci.sheds, as I don't think there is a meta-group that is appropriate. DickJ Gentleman of leisure (and loving it). Article: 136062 of soc.culture.british From: liveseypirate.engr.sgi.com (Jon Livesey) In article <4fb74j$3p9central.co.nz>, Jeff Drabble central.co.nz> wrote: > >1. Q: What is a shed? > A: A slight or temporary erection built to shelter >something ; an out-building. (Ref ; The "King's English" >Dictionary. Pg 795. Published 1942 by Books of Dignity and >Service Ltd.) This esteemed tome shall be deemed to be the >official reference for all matters shedish. I believe that the shed can only be fully understood in a social context. jon. Article: 136105 of soc.culture.british From: zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) In article <4fl0t3$jk1lonweb1.lehman.com> Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> writes: >there were shoe lasts, Verily, a grade A shed! Used to be a shoe last in my dad's shed, but sadly it disappeared sometime between my leaving home for uni and my adult yearning for shedness. -- ...or something Dave Budd +44 161 275 6033 fax 6040 D.Buddmcc.ac.uk http://www.man.ac.uk:80/~zlsiida (getting better!) Article: 136108 of soc.culture.british From: zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) In article <4fl112$jk1lonweb1.lehman.com> Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> writes: >> RFD for unmoderated group uk.sheds >> >A jolly Fine idea, I second it. Hmm, ok, seeing as a member of the uk. committee also suggested to me that I ought to do it, just to see if it can get through......later today, a real RFD. -- ...or something Dave Budd +44 161 275 6033 fax 6040 D.Buddmcc.ac.uk http://www.man.ac.uk:80/~zlsiida (getting better!) Article: 136113 of soc.culture.british From: zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) In article <4fjc85$al8kaleka.seanet.com> annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) writes: >I have a question for uk.sheds, if it's ok with you if I barge in on >this ultra-male subject - it did say unmoderated. At any rate, we have >a room in our house that's male territory (I sneak in once in awhile >to use one of the 12 computers stacked on top of one another) which is >packed from floor to roof with old hardware, books, magazines, >newspapers, all sorts of junk, with pathways throughout that lead to >something that used to be a desk, that has three working computers. I >refuse to allow the hardware to creep into the living room, which it >occasionally does. Anyway, does this qualify as a shed, and if not, >what's an appropriate name for it? It's close, but it's not really a shed: a large element of sheddity is the separation from the main body of the house. A shed is somewhere you go to, leaving the rest of the family uncertain of your whereabouts. Lofts, cellars, and garages don't quite count for the same reason, though they're an acceptable way of surviving periods of shedlessness. An appropriate name? Hmmm. Tough one, that. What say the shed elite? -- ...or something Dave Budd +44 161 275 6033 fax 6040 D.Buddmcc.ac.uk http://www.man.ac.uk:80/~zlsiida (getting better!) Article: 136131 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) wrote: snip >I have a question for uk.sheds, if it's ok with you if I barge in on >this ultra-male subject - it did say unmoderated. At any rate, we have >a room in our house that's male territory (I sneak in once in awhile >to use one of the 12 computers stacked on top of one another) which is >packed from floor to roof with old hardware, books, magazines, >newspapers, all sorts of junk, with pathways throughout that lead to >something that used to be a desk, that has three working computers. I >refuse to allow the hardware to creep into the living room, which it >occasionally does. Anyway, does this qualify as a shed, and if not, >what's an appropriate name for it? > >Ann > Hey hold on, this sounds like my london flat, when did you sneak in? I'm sure I would have noticed. Ed > ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------ Article: 136133 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) wrote: snip > >I have a question for uk.sheds, if it's ok with you if I barge in on >this ultra-male subject - it did say unmoderated. At any rate, we have >a room in our house that's male territory (I sneak in once in awhile >to use one of the 12 computers stacked on top of one another) which is >packed from floor to roof with old hardware, books, magazines, >newspapers, all sorts of junk, with pathways throughout that lead to >something that used to be a desk, that has three working computers. I >refuse to allow the hardware to creep into the living room, which it >occasionally does. Anyway, does this qualify as a shed, and if not, >what's an appropriate name for it? > >Ann Hold on Ann, this sounds just like my London flat (before the IRA turned it into a lean-to), when didi you sneak in? I'm sure I would have noticed. Ed ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------ Article: 136319 of soc.culture.british From: DickJgnn.com (Dick Jackson) In article <4fm8ug$is3fido.asd.sgi.com> Jon Livesey wrote: >I believe that the shed can only be fully understood in >a social context. Bloody marxist! A person's relationship with sheds is a complex complex involving the transcending of the id by the super-ego and vice versa. (See Sheds, Dreaming and the Unconscious Mind, S. Freud; published by Umlaut and Klein, Vienna,1906). Gentleman of leisure (and loving it). Article: 136324 of soc.culture.british From: william1netcom.com Ed Fowler (Ed_Fowlergbccmail.lehman.com) wrote: : Alas all this came to and end when I was 11, unfortunately the shed : caught fire and was destroyed. As it was built from decomposed wood and : creosote it burnt rather fericely and nothing was recoverble from it's : contents. A loss similar to the destruction of the library at Alexandria. Ed, A fine story but one that leaves a question. Wouldn't there remain many fine things for a shed after such a fire? I would think any item of steel, iron, stone or clay would serve as starter for another shed. Granted, you were 11 and may have had no place to store these items, but a fire from which "nothing was recoverble" sounds dubious. I look forward to the formation of group a dedicated to Mr. Drabble's dream. Wm P.S. My shed has no door. Does this lessen its status? Any plans for a suitable shed portal would be appreciated. -- William Homer|william1netcom.com|ftp://ftp.netcom.com/pub/wi/william1/weh.html Article: 136330 of soc.culture.british From: liveseypirate.engr.sgi.com (Jon Livesey) In article <4foisl$56news-e1a.megaweb.com>, Dick Jackson gnn.com> wrote: > >In article <4fm8ug$is3fido.asd.sgi.com> Jon Livesey wrote: >> I believe that the shed can only be fully understood in >> a social context. > > Bloody marxist! A person's relationship with sheds is a complex > complex involving the transcending of the id by the super-ego and > vice versa. (See Sheds, Dreaming and the Unconscious Mind, S. > Freud; published by Umlaut and Klein, Vienna,1906). Well, I've never understood whether Freud was a doctor or a fiction writer. It seems here that you are saying that a shed is a gestalt, a construct whose totality cannot be measured simply by the sum of its parts. And I wouldn't disagree with that on the face of it. Even if you have a door handle, a door, some ripple class, some siding and some flower pots, I suppose you still don't really have a point in shed-space. On the other hand, I believe that there are plenty of perfectly ordinary people out there who have a good working intuition of sheds, and who don't need a bloody course from a guy in a beard and sandals at some new university to explain it to them. jon. Article: 136345 of soc.culture.british From: annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> wrote: >annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) wrote: >>packed from floor to roof with old hardware, books, magazines, >>newspapers, all sorts of junk, with pathways throughout that lead to >>something that used to be a desk, that has three working computers. I >>refuse to allow the hardware to creep into the living room, which it >>occasionally does. Anyway, does this qualify as a shed, and if not, >>what's an appropriate name for it? >> >>Ann >Hold on Ann, this sounds just like my London flat (before the IRA turned >it into a lean-to), when didi you sneak in? I'm sure I would have >noticed. >Ed Our particular room would dampen an IRA attack. We're talking about boxes of electrical outlet strips and phones and such that've never been opened. Once I threw away some stuff and never heard the end of it, so now I have to throw things away secretly. Ann Article: 136522 of soc.culture.british From: Peter J Lusby audre.audre.com> william1netcom.com wrote: > > P.S. My shed has no door. Does this lessen its status? Not merely does a shed _have_ to have a door, but it should be as difficult to open and close as possible (see below). > Any plans for a > suitable shed portal would be appreciated. > -- Try to find a piece of corrugated iron (the rustier and more jagged, the better) at least a foot larger than the shed doorway in each dimension. Nail it to a couple of flimsy laths to give it an illusion of rigidity. Now punch three large holes in one edge, unevenly spaced, by hammering the business end of an old screwdriver through the metal. Take a large ball of hemp twine, and from it cut several lengths. Thread some of these through the holes (any left over lengths are to be stored in the shed - they may come in useful someday), and knot the ends to form loops. Now take three 8d nails, and drive them into the door frame about halfway, nowhere near the same spacing as the holes in your door. Finally, hook each twine loop over the closest corresponding nail, and then clinch the nail over the twine. The beauty of this design is that about every third time you try to open the door, the jagged edges of the holes in the corrugated iron will cut through the twine, and the door will fall on you (which is why the sheet has to be significantly larger than the opening, otherwise it might fall the wrong way). This is especially interesting when you are carrying two open cans of paint under your arm, and holding a dripping paint brush in your teeth. Happy Shedding! ========================================================= pjlaudre.audre.com | A dust whom England bore, shaped, San Diego, CA, USA | made aware... Rupert Brooke ========================================================== Article: 136549 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) wrote: >a room in our house that's male territory (I sneak in once in awhile >to use one of the 12 computers stacked on top of one another) which is >packed from floor to roof with old hardware, books, magazines, >newspapers, all sorts of junk, with pathways throughout that lead to >something that used to be a desk, that has three working computers. I >refuse to allow the hardware to creep into the living room, which it >occasionally does. Anyway, does this qualify as a shed, and if not, >what's an appropriate name for it? >Ann Good to hear from you again, Ann. Your answers are; .1. No, and .2. A sodding shambles. I am sorry to be of so little help after your absence, but on a more encouraging note, you may find something of interest in a subject I intend introducing after shedding has been sorted out. At that time, we will be conducting a probing examination into trellising. Jeff Drabble Article: 136550 of soc.culture.british From: Melissa Porter interpath.com> annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) wrote: >Our particular room would dampen an IRA attack. We're talking about >boxes of electrical outlet strips and phones and such that've never >been opened. > >Once I threw away some stuff and never heard the end of it, so now I >have to throw things away secretly. > >Ann Ann, Are you sure your husband and mine are not related? Melissa ---------- The fundamentals of being human don't change with the labels we apply to them. Article: 136690 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) David John kglc.demon.co.uk> kindly wrote: >Thank you, Jeff. My understanding of the, hitherto esoteric, subject of sheds >has undergone a quantum leap. [Pedants please note: I am using this expression >in its colloquial sense]. No, please, I consider this to be my duty to humanity. >After much thought and consideration, I feel I would be justified in >submitting a proposal to whatever the relevant authority is [are?] >calling themselves this week to have the subject included as an >"A" level option. Football [soccer for our American friends] has >just been authorised for "A" level study, so I feel I have a good >case. Would you support me in this? Whilst the sentiments are noble, I am always concerned when subjects of such a sensitive nature are handed to academia for dissection and explanation. >If the subject was to be widened to include "the incidence of green >wellies in antipodean sheds", we might even be able to argue that >it could form the core of a doctorial thesis. The above reservations still apply, and I would point out that the incidence of green wellies in Antipodean sheds is regrettably low. The market in this part of the world appears to have been monopolized by a company producing black specimens with red toe-caps. >One point not covered in the faquette: does a cardboard box >in Kingsway qualify as a shed? This matter was considered in my initial post on sheds, but discontinued owing to a lack of confirmation on details relating to that box. >My guess is that it would be disqualified if free-standing. On the other > hand, Q12 of your faquette [reproduced here] > 12. Q: What can I put in my shed ? > A: The key to this is uselessness. If there is a > possibility that the item could have a future use, it should > not be consigned to the shed, the shelter of which must only > be offered to the shoddy, worthless, rejected and unusable > items in your possession. >suggests that it _would_ qualify on the grounds that its content was useless. >No doubt Frank will wish to comment on this aspect -- but you are the final arbiter of fact. I am sure you offer this in jest, David. You see, I like Doug, and I feel he has an important place in this ng. That does not mean to say I persuaded by what he has to say, but on those occasions when he is absent, I'm sure you'll agree, we miss him. >In conclusion, I should like to thank you, Jeff, for having the courage to initiate >a discussion on what must be the most important issue of our times. It has become my life's work, David. Thank you. Kind regards, Jeff Drabble. Article: 136699 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) liveseypirate.engr.sgi.com (Jon Livesey) wrote: >I believe that the shed can only be fully understood in >a social context. Your are clearly correct. Indeed, it is the mission of this faqette to reveal the interweaving of the shed into the fabric of human society. Jeff Drabble. Article: 136704 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) wrote: >This FAQette needs a subsection on acceptable shed-substitutes for >those poor souls without proper sheds. A discussion on the benefits of trellising is being considered. >A properly arranged cellar can get you through several years of shedlessness >without the need for Prozac. I'd keep the Prozac handy. An offering of a cellar is a thinly disguised ruse, likely to succeed only if it is fully stocked with the finest of wine. >I myself was forced to grow up with a brick built shed - always referred to >as 'the she' and used as such, however - conencted to, but sufficiently far >from, the main body of the house that it was adequate. Adequacy is the goal of the unambitious shedster. >The use of garages to simulate the usual functions of a shed is, of course, >frowned upon, but "needs must when the devil drives". It might be possible to deconstruct a garage down to shed status, but it would surely only be a shadow of the real thing. >A correctly botched loft conversion might qualify one for associate shedness: >the presence of the cold water tank is a big mark in its favour. The loft conversion is a definite non-starter and the cold water tank would have to be faulty beyond repair. But look here, I like the cut of your jib. Keenness is all important in this matter. Jeff Drabble Article: 136705 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) perditamcc.ac.uk (C Speed) wrote: >Go on. Do it. You know you want to. uk.rec.sheds? >It would at least offer some light relief on a config newsgroup too >full of bemused indians at the moment. I say, "light relief" ? This is an outrage! (Quote J.L) Jeff Drabble Article: 136707 of soc.culture.british From: David John kglc.demon.co.uk> In article: <4fri0q$ckmcentral.co.nz> jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) writes: > > David John kglc.demon.co.uk> kindly wrote: > > >Thank you, Jeff. My understanding of the, hitherto esoteric, subject of sheds > >has undergone a quantum leap. [Pedants please note: I am using this expression > >in its colloquial sense]. > > No, please, I consider this to be my duty to humanity. You, Sir, deserve a Nobel Prize > > >After much thought and consideration, I feel I would be justified in > >submitting a proposal to whatever the relevant authority is [are?] > >calling themselves this week to have the subject included as an > >"A" level option. Football [soccer for our American friends] has > >just been authorised for "A" level study, so I feel I have a good > >case. Would you support me in this? > > Whilst the sentiments are noble, I am always concerned when subjects > of such a sensitive nature are handed to academia for dissection and > explanation. I bow to your greater wisdom and knowledge. > > >If the subject was to be widened to include "the incidence of green > >wellies in antipodean sheds", we might even be able to argue that > >it could form the core of a doctorial thesis. > > The above reservations still apply, and I would point out that the > incidence of green wellies in Antipodean sheds is regrettably low. > The market in this part of the world appears to have been monopolized > by a company producing black specimens with red toe-caps. This has come as somewhat of a shock to me. I can only hope that such an example of the modern propensity for "designer" style over functionality will not spread to the UK. A thought: could this be a mutation of the green wellie caused by the recent French atomic tests in your area? > > >One point not covered in the faquette: does a cardboard box > >in Kingsway qualify as a shed? > > This matter was considered in my initial post on sheds, but > discontinued owing to a lack of confirmation on details relating to > that box. I understand that events have overtaken the need for this to be included. Apparently, the gentleman in question has emigrated to Waterloo where, I am told, the accommodation is of a more permanent nature. > > >My guess is that it would be disqualified if free-standing. On the other > > hand, Q12 of your faquette [reproduced here] > > 12. Q: What can I put in my shed ? > > A: The key to this is uselessness. If there is a > > possibility that the item could have a future use, it should > > not be consigned to the shed, the shelter of which must only > > be offered to the shoddy, worthless, rejected and unusable > > items in your possession. > >suggests that it _would_ qualify on the grounds that its content was useless. > >No doubt Frank will wish to comment on this aspect -- but you are the final arbiter of fact. > > I am sure you offer this in jest, David. You see, I like Doug, and I > feel he has an important place in this ng. That does not mean to say > I persuaded by what he has to say, but on those occasions when he is > absent, I'm sure you'll agree, we miss him. Strangely enough, Jeff, I agree with your sentiments. The first post I ever read on this ng was from Doug. All his posts have brightened up my life [not, of course, to the extent of your incomparable treatises on sheds and their importance to world peace] and those of my family. I rarely agree with his sentiments but, unlike many others, he has the courage of his convictions. I also feel he exercises admirable restraint in the face of much piss-taking -- not least, from me. For this he is to be commended. > > >In conclusion, I should like to thank you, Jeff, for having the courage to initiate > >a discussion on what must be the most important issue of our times. > > It has become my life's work, David. Thank you. Keep it up. Kind regards David ============================================== David John Just as I was getting really used to yesterday, along came today ============================================== Article: 136708 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) Peter J Lusby audre.audre.com> wrote: >and the pukkah wooden shed built from plywood left-overs of other >projects, This is truly what we are seek. Sounds like a really fine example. Jolly well done that man. Jeff Drabble Article: 136709 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com>with great aplomb, wrote: >Fine worth Mr Drabble, but In addition to my Gazebo, I have two rather >fine sheds, they are nearly the most sheddy sheds I have every seen. >They are only beaten by a shed once owned by my late grandfather. There is no question that grandfathers are the very finest purveyors of sheds and associated paraphernalia. The architecture, construction and contents nomenclature of *my* grandfather's shed were an exemplar to budding shedsters. After he died, when I was still a lad, I was perusing the contents of one of the cupboards (a lovely wooden example, dark with machine-oil stains), when I discovered an old tobacco tin containing 72 pounds, the intended purpose of which will never be known. Such are the mysteries of shedding. >I first saw this shed when I was 5, to me it was the embodyment of all >that was mysterious and forbidden about his large and rather overgrown >garden. The shed was large and had been constructed (or possibly gown, >it has a very organic look about it) beofre the first world war. It was >built out of what I can only assume was dry rot and creosote. Due to >inadequate foundations it sloped from back to fromt by about 15 degrees. >the roff was concave and the inside dark and enticing. Very, very evocative, Mr Fowler. There are some notable features in the above which deserve comment. That organic, "perhaps it grew" look is just splendid. Art has occurred here. The inadequate foundations are of course, a master stroke, and the concave roof an act of pure genius. There is however, a contradiction, as perhaps there always should be with sheds, and that is the use of dry rot and creosote together. Dry rot, being the acme of shed contruction materials, should not, to my mind, be sullied by the application of a preservative. Small bandwidth preserving snip (which I have wasted saying this) > In all, the best quality junk that a family of engineers and >builders had accumilated over nearly 60 years. To me it was wonderful. And indeed, to us also, now that you have been so kind as to share it with us. >Alas all this came to and end when I was 11, unfortunately the shed >caught fire and was destroyed. As it was built from decomposed wood and >creosote it burnt rather fericely and nothing was recoverble from it's >contents. A loss similar to the destruction of the library at Alexandria. I am inconsolable. >So when I got my own large and rambling garden I was determined that >future generations of Fowlers could enjoy the same childhood experiences >I did. Thus I have built two sheds out of good quality old wood (which >actually came from the floorboards of my house when we renovated it) so >that my children can have as much fun as I had. That you should pass this joy to them. A wonderful thing. >All right, you've guessed it, I set fire to it, by accident I assure you, >the old blow torch just couldn't cope with being pressureised by a water >pump. It blew up and took out the shed. RIP The work of a Hun! You are a scoundrel, sir. Displays of contrition are required. Jeff Drabble Article: 136726 of soc.culture.british From: gevansmvagusta.uk.tele.nokia.fi (Gareth Evans) >>>>> "Jeff" == Jeff Drabble central.co.nz> writes: Jeff> Good to hear from you again, Ann. Your answers are; .1. No, Jeff> and .2. A sodding shambles. I am sorry to be of so little help Jeff> after your absence, but on a more encouraging note, you may find Jeff> something of interest in a subject I intend introducing after shedding Jeff> has been sorted out. At that time, we will be conducting Jeff> a probing examination into trellising. Jeff, I'm finding your house-centric comments somewhat disturbing. I am becoming, as one who lives in a flat, increasingly isolated, as I don't own even a small patch of land for a shed (although I can but dream of owning one) and as for a trellis, well, it's something I should need a garden wall for. Unfortunately this has been denied me by the cruel hand of fate. I'm presently house-hunting, and needless to say, I shall insist on a dilapodated shed as prime import. Can you tell me whether it is acceptable to keep any interesting pieces left by previous owners, or must one start with an empty shed and build on it? Cheers G -- Disclaimer: I'm making this up as I go along ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Gareth M. Evans Software Engineer, SDH Transmission Software Group - - Nokia Telecommunications Ltd, 6 Cambridge Business Park - - Milton Rd, Cambridge, CB4 4WZ, UK. Tel: +44 1223 432445 (DDI) - - Fax: +44 1223 423139 - - Email: Gareth.Evansntc.nokia.com - ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Article: 136848 of soc.culture.british From: spalbion.engr.sgi.com (Simon Patience) In article mvagusta.uk.tele.nokia.fi>, gevansmvagusta.uk.tele.nokia.fi (Gareth Evans) writes: |> I'm presently house-hunting, and needless to say, I shall insist on a |> dilapodated shed as prime import. |> |> Can you tell me whether it is acceptable to keep any interesting pieces left |> by previous owners, or must one start with an empty shed and build on it? No, you should absolutely keep everything that the previous owner has left in it. They put it there for a reason, i.e. they didn't want it, and you should respect that. The only exceptions to removing something from a shed once it is in there would be something like my lawn mower which I inherited from the previous occupants of my house in Massachusetts. It hasn't worked in 2 years, and so I felt justified in moving it 3000 miles in that state to take pride of place in the centre of my new shed where it blocks access to just about every part of the shed. Simon. -- Simon Patience Phone: (415) 933-4644 Silicon Graphics, Inc FAX: (415) 962-8404 2011 N. Shoreline Boulevard Email: spsgi.com Mountain View, CA 94043 Article: 136926 of soc.culture.british From: annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) wrote: >liveseypirate.engr.sgi.com (Jon Livesey) wrote: >>I believe that the shed can only be fully understood in >>a social context. >Your are clearly correct. Indeed, it is the mission of this faqette >to reveal the interweaving of the shed into the fabric of human >society. Well, perhaps you can explain why some people insist on showing visitors their shed. I don't mind sheds, but they're always cold and I never know what to say. "Oh, this is lovely?" or "What a beautiful shed?" Now, trellisses area nother matter. I have two. One has honeysuckle growing over the top, making the trellis look as if it has hair. The other just stands there. Ann Article: 136927 of soc.culture.british From: annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) David John kglc.demon.co.uk> wrote: > >> I am sure you offer this in jest, David. You see, I like Doug, and I >> feel he has an important place in this ng. That does not mean to say >> I persuaded by what he has to say, but on those occasions when he is >> absent, I'm sure you'll agree, we miss him. >Strangely enough, Jeff, I agree with your sentiments. The first post I ever read on this ng >was from Doug. All his posts have brightened up my life [not, of course, to the extent >of your incomparable treatises on sheds and their importance to world peace] and those >of my family. I rarely agree with his sentiments but, unlike many others, he has the courage >of his convictions. I also feel he exercises admirable restraint in the face of much >piss-taking -- not least, from me. For this he is to be commended. I adore Doug. Ann Article: 136930 of soc.culture.british From: annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) Melissa Porter interpath.com> wrote: >Ann, >Are you sure your husband and mine are not related? >Melissa >---------- This shed thread is most comforting. OTOH, it could mean a certain solidarity might take place. Ann Article: 137031 of soc.culture.british From: gevansmvagusta.uk.tele.nokia.fi (Gareth Evans) >>>>> "Simon" == Simon Patience albion.engr.sgi.com> writes: Simon> No, you should absolutely keep everything that the previous owner has left in it. Simon> They put it there for a reason, i.e. they didn't want it, and you should respect Simon> that. The only exceptions to removing something from a shed once it is in Simon> there would be something like my lawn mower which I inherited from the previous Simon> occupants of my house in Massachusetts. It hasn't worked in 2 years, and so I Simon> felt justified in moving it 3000 miles in that state to take pride of place in Simon> the centre of my new shed where it blocks access to just about every part of the Simon> shed. I shall be shed hunting on Saturday. I look forward to finding a lovely shed with a pleasant little house in the front garden. I shall ensure that any contents be left. Wish me luck. G -- Disclaimer: I'm making this up as I go along ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Gareth M. Evans Software Engineer, SDH Transmission Software Group - - Nokia Telecommunications Ltd, 6 Cambridge Business Park - - Milton Rd, Cambridge, CB4 4WZ, UK. Tel: +44 1223 432445 (DDI) - - Fax: +44 1223 423139 - - Email: Gareth.Evansntc.nokia.com - ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Article: 137212 of soc.culture.british From: DickJgnn.com (Dick Jackson) In article <667278832wnrkglc.demon.co.uk> David John wrote: (to Max Muir, of San Diego) >It is you who are scum [and, therefore, a hypocrite]. >My proof for this assertion can be seen above. >No matter how much you disagree with Doug, you go beyond the pale by >wishing him dead. I warned this group a few days ago about shedism's tendency to strip the thin veneer of civilisation from us. Its all there in Freud's book*: talk of sheds somehow has the effect of bypassing the fore-brain and registering directly with the id, the location of our primordial beastly nature. I suggest we all agree to discuss Northern Ireland instead, before it is too late. DickJ *Sheds, Dreams and the Oedipus Bomplex. A bad day on the golf course is far preferable to a good day at work. Article: 137256 of soc.culture.british From: orbcts.com (Maxwell Muir) Ann Weiner (annwseanet.com) wrote: : David John kglc.demon.co.uk> wrote: : : > : >> I am sure you offer this in jest, David. You see, I like Doug, and I : >> feel he has an important place in this ng. That does not mean to say : >> I persuaded by what he has to say, but on those occasions when he is : >> absent, I'm sure you'll agree, we miss him. : >Strangely enough, Jeff, I agree with your sentiments. The first post I ever read on this ng : >was from Doug. All his posts have brightened up my life [not, of course, to the extent : >of your incomparable treatises on sheds and their importance to world peace] and those : >of my family. I rarely agree with his sentiments but, unlike many others, he has the courage : >of his convictions. I also feel he exercises admirable restraint in the face of much : >piss-taking -- not least, from me. For this he is to be commended. : I adore Doug. : Ann I too wish Doug a strange kind of happiness. Death. As for you people, I regard you as scum. Jeff, pls do not send me any more email. I will of course continue to combat his lies and misrepresentation of our history, and pray that his support for the IRA does no further harm. "Renegade Kill-filed Wrong Info Brit" Article: 137273 of soc.culture.british From: David John kglc.demon.co.uk> In article: <4fvsfn$5iknews3.cts.com> orbcts.com (Maxwell Muir) writes: > > > I too wish Doug a strange kind of happiness. > > Death. > > As for you people, I regard you as scum. Jeff, pls do not send me any more > email. I will of course continue to combat his lies and misrepresentation > of our history, and pray that his support for the IRA does no further harm. > Mr Muir As most of your post [snipped - not relevant to this point] quoted an earlier post of mine, I am assuming you are including me as one of the scum. If this is so, please post your proof for this assertion or withdraw it unreservedly. It is you who are scum [and, therefore, a hypocrite]. My proof for this assertion can be seen above. No matter how much you disagree with Doug, you go beyond the pale by wishing him dead. This thread can fairly be described as being lighthearted - hopefully enjoyed by many as a change from some of the turgid subjects often seen on this ng. Why did you feel you had to inject a note of seriousness into it? Argue with Doug on a more appropriate thread. Now, can we please get back to the more interesting and stimulating topic of sheds? David John PS: For any Americans reading this, and Mr Muir's post, please do not judge all of us by one renegade. Article: 137304 of soc.culture.british From: orbcts.com (Maxwell Muir) Re: Shed FAQ David John: & As most of your post [snipped - not relevant to this point] quoted an earlier & post of mine, I am assuming you are including me as one of the scum. That is extremely perspicacious of you. I can only assume you have been to school. & If this is so, please post your proof for this assertion or withdraw it & unreservedly. I justify my poor regard of you and the other Doug supporters on the following grounds: Doug is an IRA supporter, and in the wake of the recent explosion in East London, resulting in the murder of two people, and the horrible disfigurement of a third, I find your claim that such a person has 'an important place' in this ng to be ludicrous and insulting to the memory of the victims of the bombing. Since you have stated that I am a renegade in an oblique kind of way but certainly not in any way that leaves one in doubt as to who you mean, and asserted plainly that I am scum, I see no reason to apologise or modify my opinion of you. I cannot imagine why you hold such a person in admiration, unless it is merely to be some sort of ng clown whose antics are supposed to be regarded as entertainment. Is that what you meant? I think you will find most people find little humour in his socialist cant, in fact one might be forgiven for percieving it as one long stream of abuse. If you wish to enjoy my good opinion, repudiate Doug and his works. & It is you who are scum [and, therefore, a hypocrite]. & My proof for this assertion can be seen above. & & No matter how much you disagree with Doug, you go beyond the pale by & wishing him dead. & & This thread can fairly be described as being lighthearted - hopefully & enjoyed by many as a change from some of the turgid subjects often & seen on this ng. & & Why did you feel you had to inject a note of seriousness into it? Well you have to admit that Death is a strange kind of happiness. Evidently you don't like "Derek and Clive Live" (regarded by some as humour), which is where I got the remark which upsets you so. & Argue with Doug on a more appropriate thread. There is little point in arguing with Doug in any thread. I am very sad to see you and others supporting him, that is the point I wished to make. & Now, can we please get back to the more interesting and stimulating & topic of sheds? Shed on. & David John & & PS: For any Americans reading this, and Mr Muir's post, please do not & judge all of us by one renegade. Article: 137358 of soc.culture.british From: David John kglc.demon.co.uk> In article: <4g0sji$nnsnews3.cts.com> orbcts.com (Maxwell Muir) writes: > > > Re: Shed FAQ > > David John: > & As most of your post [snipped - not relevant to this point] quoted an earlier > & post of mine, I am assuming you are including me as one of the scum. > > That is extremely perspicacious of you. I can only assume you have been > to school. Correct. It was many years ago - in the days when courtesy was taught as a matter of course [no pun intended] > > & If this is so, please post your proof for this assertion or withdraw it > & unreservedly. > > I justify my poor regard of you and the other Doug supporters on the > following grounds: Doug is an IRA supporter, and in the wake of the > recent explosion in East London, resulting in the murder of two people, > and the horrible disfigurement of a third, I find your claim that > such a person has 'an important place' in this ng to be ludicrous and > insulting to the memory of the victims of the bombing. I am not interested whether or not you hold me in poor regard but, to set the record straight, there is very little, if anything, in Doug's many posts with which I agree. Like you, I am particularly incensed with his apparent support of the IRA. Nevertheless, he _is_ entitled to air his views. Just as you are entitled to cirticise them. My complaint concerned the manner in which you did so. > > Since you have stated that I am a renegade in an oblique kind of way but > certainly not in any way that leaves one in doubt as to who you mean, and > asserted plainly that I am scum, I see no reason to apologise or modify > my opinion of you. I cannot imagine why you hold such a person in admiration, > unless it is merely to be some sort of ng clown whose antics are supposed > to be regarded as entertainment. Is that what you meant? I think you > will find most people find little humour in his socialist cant, in fact > one might be forgiven for percieving it as one long stream of abuse. > > If you wish to enjoy my good opinion, repudiate Doug and his works. I can see no valid reason for courting your good opinion. I do repudiate Doug's views, but _not_ the person. I am not God: it is not in my purview to repudiate anybody. Everyone [including you, Mr Muir] has some good in him/her. No doubt, should you ever meet him, you would find this would be the case with Doug. > > & It is you who are scum [and, therefore, a hypocrite]. > & My proof for this assertion can be seen above. > & > & No matter how much you disagree with Doug, you go beyond the pale by > & wishing him dead. > & > & This thread can fairly be described as being lighthearted - hopefully > & enjoyed by many as a change from some of the turgid subjects often > & seen on this ng. > & > & Why did you feel you had to inject a note of seriousness into it? > > Well you have to admit that Death is a strange kind of happiness. > Evidently you don't like "Derek and Clive Live" (regarded by some > as humour), which is where I got the remark which upsets you so. I have no wish to enter into any kind of theological discussion. Sorry, I have never heard of the programme you quote, let alone seen it. > > & Argue with Doug on a more appropriate thread. > > There is little point in arguing with Doug in any thread. I am very > sad to see you and others supporting him, that is the point I wished > to make. > > & Now, can we please get back to the more interesting and stimulating > & topic of sheds? > > Shed on. With this sentiment, I fully agree. ============================================== David John Just as I was getting really used to yesterday, along came today ============================================== Article: 137445 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) wrote: >In article <4fl0t3$jk1lonweb1.lehman.com> Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> writes: >>there were shoe lasts, >Verily, a grade A shed! >Used to be a shoe last in my dad's shed, but sadly it disappeared sometime >between my leaving home for uni and my adult yearning for shedness. Now I think your onto something vital here. My grandfather's very excellent shed did indeed house a shoe last. It had a single piece base and main shaft, then three interchangeable feet, thus allowing the repair of all sizes of footwear. It was one of those things that a young lad's eye fell to immediately, visually carressing it and assessing its potential for the undertaking of important cobbling tasks. Just while we're on the subject of contents, it has been my experience that it is advisable to set aside up to 75% of the shed interior to pile things on top of one another. Bicycles should be positioned in this heap so as to ensure that extraction is not a practical consideration. I have known people who have attempted to bypass this requirement by hanging the bicycle from hooks on the ceiling. This is not a very sheddy thing to do. Jeff Drabble Article: 137702 of soc.culture.british From: C.A.Williamsshef.ac.uk (Chris Williams) In article <4fuqj6$nekcentral.co.nz>, jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) says: >Bicycles should be positioned in >this heap so as to ensure that extraction is not a practical >consideration. I have known people who have attempted to bypass this >requirement by hanging the bicycle from hooks on the ceiling. This is >not a very sheddy thing to do. Surely if one was to balance the bicycle obscurly on a rusty angle-brakect (100% shed so far) and then (here's the clever bit) festoon it with a much-kinked and probably perished garden hose - in such a way that neither hose nor bicycle can be safely retrieved without a small and very rusty carpet tack falling into one's eye - then it would be sheddy? Chris Article: 137705 of soc.culture.british From: annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) gevansmvagusta.uk.tele.nokia.fi (Gareth Evans) wrote: >>>>>> "Jeff" == Jeff Drabble central.co.nz> writes: >Jeff> Good to hear from you again, Ann. Your answers are; .1. No, >Jeff> and .2. A sodding shambles. I am sorry to be of so little help >Jeff> after your absence, but on a more encouraging note, you may find >Jeff> something of interest in a subject I intend introducing after shedding >Jeff> has been sorted out. At that time, we will be conducting >Jeff> a probing examination into trellising. Thank you. My entire garden, including the trellises has a mind of its own and defies all the laws of nature. I have six rosemary bushes that refuse to stop growing, even during the cold snap. My liclac never did bloom (sob). >Jeff, I'm finding your house-centric comments somewhat disturbing. I am >becoming, as one who lives in a flat, increasingly isolated, as I don't own >even a small patch of land for a shed (although I can but dream of owning >one) and as for a trellis, well, it's something I should need a garden wall >for. Unfortunately this has been denied me by the cruel hand of fate. >I'm presently house-hunting, and needless to say, I shall insist on a >dilapodated shed as prime import. >Can you tell me whether it is acceptable to keep any interesting pieces left >by previous owners, or must one start with an empty shed and build on it? >Cheers >G I don't know about shed contents, but we found two stone lions which clearly used to hold up a bench. We dragged them in and have found all sorts of uses for them, including at one point, a TV stand. Ann >-- > >Disclaimer: I'm making this up as I go along >----------------------------------------------------------------------------- >- Gareth M. Evans Software Engineer, SDH Transmission Software Group - >- Nokia Telecommunications Ltd, 6 Cambridge Business Park - >- Milton Rd, Cambridge, CB4 4WZ, UK. Tel: +44 1223 432445 (DDI) - >- Fax: +44 1223 423139 - >- Email: Gareth.Evansntc.nokia.com - >----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Article: 137779 of soc.culture.british From: liveseypirate.engr.sgi.com (Jon Livesey) In article <4g6o6a$kbubignews.shef.ac.uk>, Chris Williams shef.ac.uk> wrote: > > Surely if one was to balance the bicycle obscurly on a rusty angle-brakect > (100% shed so far) and then (here's the clever bit) festoon it with > a much-kinked and probably perished garden hose - in such a way that > neither hose nor bicycle can be safely retrieved without a small and very > rusty carpet tack falling into one's eye - then it would be sheddy? Veeery close. But you forgot the necessity to kick over, and shatter, a flower pot, while attempting the retrieval. jon. Article: 137857 of soc.culture.british From: Melissa Porter interpath.com> David John kglc.demon.co.uk> wrote: >In article: <4fvsfn$5iknews3.cts.com> orbcts.com (Maxwell Muir) writes: >> >> >> I too wish Doug a strange kind of happiness. >> >> Death. >> >> As for you people, I regard you as scum. Jeff, pls do not send me any more >> email. I will of course continue to combat his lies and misrepresentation >> of our history, and pray that his support for the IRA does no further harm. >> > > >Mr Muir > >As most of your post [snipped - not relevant to this point] quoted an earlier post of mine, I >am assuming you are including me as one of the scum. > >If this is so, please post your proof for this assertion or withdraw it unreservedly. > >It is you who are scum [and, therefore, a hypocrite]. >My proof for this assertion can be seen above. >No matter how much you disagree with Doug, you go beyond the pale by >wishing him dead. > >This thread can fairly be described as being lighthearted - hopefully >enjoyed by many as a change from some of the turgid subjects often >seen on this ng. Why did you feel you had to inject a note of seriousness >into it? Argue with Doug on a more appropriate thread. > >Now, can we please get back to the more interesting and stimulating >topic of sheds? > >David John > >PS: For any Americans reading this, and Mr Muir's post, please do not judge all of us >by one renegade. > > I don't judge all of you by any of the renegades. And I'm encouraged that not all of you judge Americans by some of the embarrassing garbage some of us post here. Please keep this thread going; I'm sharing it with an English friend who is really enjoying it. Melissa ---------- The fundamentals of being human don't change with the labels we apply to them. Article: 137947 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) orbcts.com (Maxwell Muir) wrote: >I too wish Doug a strange kind of happiness. Death. >As for you people, I regard you as scum. Jeff, pls do not send me any more >email. I will of course continue to combat his lies and misrepresentation >of our history, and pray that his support for the IRA does no further harm. Max, what a sad day you bring to us. That you should implicate me, and others, by way of this convoluted and tenuous thread of connections, as in part responsible for the gratuitous act of violence perpetrated at Canary Wharf, is both reprehensible and beyond my greatest attempts at comprehension. You seem to believe that, by my simple refusal to condemn as inhuman a man whose views are not in accord with your own, I must be a de facto collaborator in that appalling event. Do I really need to make proven my abhorrence of that, and indeed all acts of violence ? Has anything I have posted or emailed ever carried a suggestion that I might find an ally in violence? You have said that you took up the metaphorical sword against Doug to repudiate false claims he made about you and yet you appear to be remarkably casual about doing the same to others. Nobody has said that they support Doug as you have suggested. They have said that they like him. This is measurably different. Here is the way I see the events. After a period of acrimony, two parties agreed to put aside past differences and talk with a view to establishing common ground and future harmonious relationships. This continued for some time until one party grew frustrated with the process and fell to the ways of the past, exploding a bomb in the midst of a community of people who were passing their daily lives in a new-found freedom of shared enjoyable discourse. They had thought they were finally free from the heavy-handed attitudes of those who would say; " If you don't agree with me, I will see you dead." That device was not from the ordnance of the IRA, Max. The parties were you and me, and it was a verbal bomb, planted and detonated by you, in the heart of an s.c.b topic which, until your act of violence, had seen no anger, no derision, no one-upmanship,no name-calling, just a sharing of humour and nostalgia. It was a topic which carried no threat or thought of malice to any person. You chose this place to be the Canary Wharf of your mission against a personally perceived threat from Doug. Plainly, I would not wish to draw a comparison of scale between the two acts. What leaves me saddened is that a man of your intelligence, education and humour should on the one hand purport to be the saviour-elect of those who might be persuaded by Doug, yet on the other hand fall to using the very tactics you so loudly decry. What makes you able to feel greater anguish than we, at the horror of Canary Wharf ? Is the vehemence and volume of ones response the correct measure? What leads you to suspect that the rest of us do not have the capacity to discern what may or may not be rubbish emanating from Doug, and that we need your translation and guidance in these matters? As I have said to you before, I find humour to be the vehicle of choice when attempting to communicate new ideas to others. I retain this view, particularly having seen what you offer as an alternative. Months, and for all I know, years of "did not, did too" between Doug and yourself have resulted in what ? Has Doug been persuaded to your view, or, quelle horreur, you to his ? Has anybody been persuaded by either of you ? As I sit here in the 30 C heat, prodding my keyboard, a blowfly, adventurous enough to come inside, now wishes to exit. He buzzes at the window, confused, occasionally taking long swings out into the room and flying at great speed into the puzzling barrier. He stuns himself momentarily, and then proceeds with astonishing persistence, to re-enact the entire scene - endlessly. A sad parallel is evident. Surely, Max, pragmatism would direct you to the view that, having failed to persuade after exceedingly lengthy efforts in a single plane, you might find discussional deliverance in some other direction. The Shed Thread may appear at first glance to be an excursion into trivia, but the zesty enthusiasm of the participants reveals the need for such diversion. The thread was a catalyst to discussion free from the ravages of "me-firstisms" and formed, without it being steered by the participants, a common ground for the future exchange of other ideas. This stable platform for inclusive dialogue was in marked contrast to the constant attempts, in other threads, to kick the soap box from under the feet of the "opponent". How can you possibly believe that pouring shite and derision onto the heads of those whose opinions you wish to turn could ever accomplish such a goal. The work of persuasion is long and circuitous, and ill-tempered short-cuts are the tools of those most likely to fail. Good grief, Max, look at your language; "Death to Doug", "scum" and " legitimate targets". Are you unable to see that your tactics in this matter are disturbingly similar to those of the people you claim to despise? I can only hope that this is all a bizarre troll in which you and Doug are alter-egos of the one person, arguing against himself into Usenet infinity. You have hi-jacked this thread, kidnapped its purpose, bombed and demoralised its participants, defamed a number of its posters and perverted its use to your own ends. You have stolen my time by creating the need for me to respond to you in this way. For this, Max, I suspect you will garner little in the way of thanks, respect or support. I am, in the end, dismayed that your erstwhile companionship is now lost to me. I have enjoyed your wit and shall miss it. May a hitherto absent tranquillity befall you, extinguishing before it the conflagration of your rage. Jeff Drabble Article: 137948 of soc.culture.british From: zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) In article <4fuqj6$nekcentral.co.nz> jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) writes: >zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) wrote: >>In article <4fl0t3$jk1lonweb1.lehman.com> Ed Fowler >gbccmail.lehman.com> writes: >>>there were shoe lasts, >>Used to be a shoe last in my dad's shed, but sadly it disappeared sometime >>between my leaving home for uni and my adult yearning for shedness. >Now I think your onto something vital here. My grandfather's very >excellent shed did indeed house a shoe last. It had a single piece I'd like to mention that, while shedding is mainly a male pursuit, maiden aunts who lost their beau in the Great War (1914 for you young'uns) may be allowed access for the purpose of using the shoe last. I hadn't thought about my Aunt Lizzie much in the last 15 years, but the shoe last brought back some memories.....long walks by the stream over nearby farmland.... -- ...or something Dave Budd +44 161 275 6033 fax 6040 D.Buddmcc.ac.uk http://www.man.ac.uk:80/~zlsiida (getting better!) Article: 138065 of soc.culture.british From: Mary Christensen bmi.net> I concur wholeheartedly with Melissa. This is a wonderful, non-combative thread and I have enjoyed it. It brings back memories of a well-loved shed of mine....unfortunately lost to a fire. Well, a shed of memory is better than no shed at all, even if it was in the US. Article: 138081 of soc.culture.british From: jcramptogmu.edu (jeremy) In article fs1.mcc.ac.uk>, zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) wrote: [...sheds...] I would like to nominate the saying from Cold Comfort Farm as the official motto: "I saw something horrible once in the woodshed". Official rejoinder, "I'm sure you did, but the question is did it see you?" (paraphrased from the TV version) -- Jeremy Crampton http://geog.gmu.edu jcramptogmu.edu C:\ONGRTLNS.W95 (You make a grown man cry) Article: 138212 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) wrote: >Well, perhaps you can explain why some people insist on showing >visitors their shed. I don't mind sheds, but they're always cold and I >never know what to say. "Oh, this is lovely?" or "What a beautiful >shed?" This is a common problem. On these occasions, nod sagely and remain silent. >Now, trellisses area nother matter. I have two. One has honeysuckle >growing over the top, making the trellis look as if it has hair. The >other just stands there. I like the one that just stands there. It displays its full trellisness. Look here, Ann, you're looking in fair shape to carry the can on trellii. ( trellis plural ) I'm a bit pushed for time at present what with having to deal with strafing attacks from Max and sheds and all. It had been my intention to hold back on the trellis thingy until sheds had settled, but it seems to be gathering a momentum with which I am currently unable to cope. Jeff Drabble Article: 138275 of soc.culture.british From: TUK067maccvm.corp.mot.com (David Wheeler) jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) wrote: >zlsiidafs1.mcc.ac.uk (Dave Budd) wrote: >gbccmail.lehman.com> writes: >>>there were shoe lasts, >>Used to be a shoe last in my dad's shed, but sadly it disappeared sometime >>between my leaving home for uni and my adult yearning for shedness. > >Now I think your onto something vital here. My grandfather's very >excellent shed did indeed house a shoe last. It had a single piece I'm proud to announce that my garden shed contains an authentic early twentieth century shoe last, which I rescued from my late grandfather's shed after his death and before the sale of the house in the early 1970s. Ah, my grandfather's shed... the epitome of what shedding is all about. Drawers, cupboards and tins everywhere, filled with rusty whatsits, old medals and an assortment of weird gadgets whose purpose had long been forgotten, if in fact they ever had one. An ancient, reeking paraffin heater for cold days, copious quantities of woodworm, sawdust everywhere, and a pile of sacks under one of the benches on which we used to sit while my grandfather read to me. I learned to read in that shed, at the age of about 3-and-a-half, and I've been a voracious bookworm ever since, to which a well-stocked bookshelf in my own shed is testimony. The people who bought the house knocked the shed down. Bastards. A few years later, the foundations of the house subsided, rendering it unsafe for habitation. Poetic justice, I felt. ---------------------------------------------------------------- David A. Wheeler, Motorola Ltd., Basingstoke, Hampshire, England CDW028email.mot.com Article: 138294 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) wrote: snip > >Just while we're on the subject of contents, it has been my experience >that it is advisable to set aside up to 75% of the shed interior to >pile things on top of one another. Bicycles should be positioned in >this heap so as to ensure that extraction is not a practical >consideration. I have known people who have attempted to bypass this >requirement by hanging the bicycle from hooks on the ceiling. This is >not a very sheddy thing to do. > >Jeff Drabble Jeff, I'm afraid that the correct way of storing a bike (or three) in a shed is by the semi-osmotic process of leaving the bikes near the hose pipe and 35ft of flex, leave this over a period of time (a fortnight should do) and when you open the door, you will find the bikes tied to the old rusted lawnmower in the corner and at least two of your garden forks. I suspect this is an early anti bike theft device, incoroporated in the DNA of every good shed. I normally takes me 3-4 hours to disentangle the bikes, i doubt a theaft could do it any quicker. Ed ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------ Article: 138303 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> C.A.Williamsshef.ac.uk (Chris Williams) wrote: snip >Surely if one was to balance the bicycle obscurly on a rusty angle-brakect >(100% shed so far) and then (here's the clever bit) festoon it with >a much-kinked and probably perished garden hose - in such a way that >neither hose nor bicycle can be safely retrieved without a small and very >rusty carpet tack falling into one's eye - then it would be sheddy? > >Chris Oh rapture, oh glorious day, this is music unto mine ears, a true shed devotee, the art of the newton assisted carpet tack is one which is rarely seen these days, it takes me right back so it does. Cue screen wobble - it's flashback time scene - younger incarnation of Ed and slightly unhinged grandafther ed : I want to learn how to ride a bike! mad grandad: I know i've got one in the shed (a bike that is) ed : Oh great, go get it now in shed mad grandad: There it is, up on the wall (pointing to pre-boer war bike, probably built out of spare girders nicked from the clyde) ed : ah, great , lets get it down! mad grandad: Ok In the resulting struggle , my insane grandfather, got the forsaid carpet tack in his eye, fell backwards and because he was still holding the hosepipe, by which the bike was secured to the angle brackets, he managed to pull the back wall off the shed and down onto him. Not surprisingly I didn't learn how to ride a bike that summer, but i learnt a lot about shed construction (I use that word advisedly, construction implies planning and the methodical approach, not swearing, throwing tools into the ground, tears of frustration as the back wall of the shed was re-attached, only to have to roof cave in, and one one magical occasion, where my grandfather, father and uncle had just re-postioned the roof of the shed and stood back to admire their work only to have all four walls of the shed cave out at the same moment) these are the days childhood are made from. Cue screen wobble. Incidentally, my wife informs me that when I put up the sheds in our back garden (with the help of the two remaining skilled shed re-builders, my dad and uncle) we managed to get the first shed up in 3 hours but the next one took nearly a week, and was actually erected 6 times, but fell down again. once she recalled onto a pile of creosote tins which burst and liberally sprayed both myself and my father. Oh happy days. Ed ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------ Article: 138348 of soc.culture.british From: davidterminus.ericsson.se (David Bold) In article <4gab6a$6njbigjohn.bmi.net>, Mary Christensen bmi.net> writes: >I concur wholeheartedly with Melissa. This is a wonderful, non-combative >thread and I have enjoyed it. > >It brings back memories of a well-loved shed of mine....unfortunately >lost to a fire. Well, a shed of memory is better than no shed at all, >even if it was in the US. I had a "shed-full" of beer one Friday night and was a bit ill (all over the place, actually) the following day. Does this count? -- I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark Twain. Article: 138493 of soc.culture.british From: John Lynch ldta.demon.co.uk> In article fs1.mcc.ac.uk>, Dave Budd fs1.mcc.ac.uk> writes >I myself was forced to grow up with a brick built shed - always referred to >as 'the she' and used as such What did you do -- line the keyhole with a wet sponge? -- John Lynch Article: 138566 of soc.culture.british From: Jeremy Barker jbark.demon.co.uk> In article <4gab6a$6njbigjohn.bmi.net> paradoxbmi.net "Mary Christensen" writes: > I concur wholeheartedly with Melissa. This is a wonderful, non-combative > thread and I have enjoyed it. Agreed The Shed Thread Shed Shed it's a fabulous shed "Beautiful,lovely", or so she said. There is wire and tacks, empty tins and the like, Lawnmowers and the occasional bike. There are boxes, a hose, a shoe last -who cares- Rusty tools, flower pots, and broken down chairs; Not to mention computers and papers and books. There is glorious rubbish wherever one looks. But, one asks oneself, what is it for, As there's not even room to stand on the floor. Some people think its an object of fun; For others it's where there is work to be done. For some it's an object of Freudian sin; For others a place only Daddy goes in. Some people think it,s an object to hide, With bushes and flowers that grow up the side. And though in the winter it gets rather cold, It's a place to retire to when you get old. Finally, searching the thread through, we found It's likely to end being burnt to the ground. -- Jeremy Barker at home in Grimsby - even Scrooge could be reformed. Article: 138640 of soc.culture.british From: Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> In article <4g8bov$t5pcentral.co.nz>, jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) writes: |> sheds and all. It had been my intention to hold back on the trellis |> thingy until sheds had settled, but it seems to be gathering a |> momentum with which I am currently unable to cope. |> So a Gazebo is right out then? Trev -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Look here, what has fish got to do with it? Why bring them up?" Wilkin did not bother to reply. Article: 138754 of soc.culture.british From: firthsei.cmu.edu (Robert Firth) In article <4gfil0$50mwhitbeck.ncl.ac.uk> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> writes: >So a Gazebo is right out then? A gazebo is a shed that has been admitted to Mensa. Article: 138833 of soc.culture.british From: Christopher Watkins uffa.demon.co.uk> Reposted - News Problems at Demon. Sorry if your have read this already. In article <1996Feb20.105101.22513schbbs.mot.com>, David Wheeler maccvm.corp.mot.com> writes > > >Ah, my grandfather's shed... the epitome of what shedding is all about. > Now my grandfather's shed. What a shed! It took him over 20 years to build. He had acquired some curved corrugated steel sheets. (Fell off the back of Ebbw Vale steel works I believe.) The sheets were left lying around in the back garden so that they could get that "matured" look. Every time I visited he would say "I am going to make a shed out of those one of these days" pointing at a pile of stinging nettles and metal. The day came when he retired and needed to escape from my grandmother's probing questions about his personal habits. The sheets were bolted together to form a U shape. This was then up ended and set in concrete thick enough to support a 10 storey building. This shed was going to last. Both ends were then bricked up. An old cracked window from the ash tip was inserted in one end while the other had a door fitted. The whole thing was painted with black creosote paint (Also from the ash tip). Total cost of construction - Nil. He used to sit just inside the doorway in an old chair looking at the back of the house, smoking a pipe and thinking deep thoughts. My grandmother would be sitting in the house occasionally looking out of the kitchen window and wondering what he was up to. He would be there rain or shine and up Hill Top in Ebbw Vale there was not a lot of shine. The shed had a fatal flaw. It leaked. No matter what he tried water used to drip in, and due to the nature of the concrete base it used to collect in a puddle right in the centre of the shed. He did not care though. Just wore his wellies. However the water rotted the old chest of drawers that held all those useful bent nails and odd tools. It had to be removed. I was roped into help. We emptied the shed of everything except the chest of drawers. With cries of up, left, right, my way, arrrgh; we dragged it to the door and stopped. It wouldn't fit through the door. My grandfather had built the shed around the chest of drawers. "Bloody stupid bugger" my grandmother called him but I thought "What planning." Build the shed around your junk rather than having to move it all into the shed! Moving on to a more serious matter - my father. Does anyone have any advice I can give him. My mother won't let him have a shed. He foolishly accepted my mother's suggestion of knocking down the old shed and building a kitchen extension for her and a garage for him. He now realises a garage is not the same as a shed and is pining. It is costing me a fortune taking him out for a pint to cheer him up. -- Christopher Article: 139120 of soc.culture.british From: annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) wrote: > >I like the one that just stands there. It displays its full >trellisness. Look here, Ann, you're looking in fair shape to carry >the can on trellii. ( trellis plural ) I'm a bit pushed for time at >present what with having to deal with strafing attacks from Max and >sheds and all. It had been my intention to hold back on the trellis >thingy until sheds had settled, but it seems to be gathering a >momentum with which I am currently unable to cope. >Jeff Drabble Jeff, you're becoming incorporated. Now you're too busy and have to hire a staff to handle your calls. Tell Max he needs a shed, or better still, a trellis. Sheds and trellii concentrate certain energies and stuff like that and they might turn him into a frog or something. I've never built a trellis, but if the cats continue to chew mine up I may have to figure it out. Ann Article: 139155 of soc.culture.british From: DickJgnn.com (Dick Jackson) >In article <4gab6a$6njbigjohn.bmi.net>, Mary Christensen > bmi.net> writes: >>I concur wholeheartedly with Melissa. This is a wonderful, non-combative >>thread and I have enjoyed it. Not so non-combative. There have been several outbreaks of emotion and hostility, and only recently I myself found myself chiding Ms. No-Sheds for dissembling about her sheddish prowess. I have been further studying Freud's work on sheds, and his discovery that the subject of sheds has the effect of cutting through our normal inhibitions, and leads to a release of pent up feelings, often of rage and jealousy. It was a shed, in fact, which lead to Freud's celebrated split with C.G. Jung. One night, Freud phoned Jung and invited him to come over to see his new shed. It was a lousy evening, but Jung bundled up anyway and went around to Freud's digs. "Look at this, Geoff, isn't it a beauty," asked Freud. Freud always called Jung* by his second name, because he knew Jung hated his first name. "That's not a shed, that's only a cigar box, you bloody fool," shouted Jung -- and the two men were never subsequently on civil terms. It was this incident which gave rise to Freud's famous saying "A cigar box is never *just* a cigar box." In his autobiography Freud claimed that he whipped this aphorism out on the spot, but Jung let everyone know that Freud thought it up later, after he had had plenty of time to come up with a smart riposte. My study of the psychology of sheds continues. I will let you all know what I find out. DickJ * (I hope no one has confused this C.G. (Cecil Geoffrey) Jung with the other, more famous one, whose portraits of Austrian royalty and the Viennese gentry still hang in the Shoenbrum palace). Gentleman of leisure (and loving it). Article: 139163 of soc.culture.british From: annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) firthsei.cmu.edu (Robert Firth) wrote: >In article <4gfil0$50mwhitbeck.ncl.ac.uk> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> writes: >>So a Gazebo is right out then? >A gazebo is a shed that has been admitted to Mensa. That's kind of cute actually, although I'm having a hard time picturing certain particularly sappy scenes inside sheds, events that traditionally take place inside gazebos. I almost like them better in the shed. Ann Article: 139387 of soc.culture.british From: david_x_healyamoco.com (Dave Healy) In article uffa.demon.co.uk>, Christopher Watkins uffa.demon.co.uk> says: > >Reposted - News Problems at Demon. Sorry if your have read this already. > >In article <1996Feb20.105101.22513schbbs.mot.com>, David Wheeler >maccvm.corp.mot.com> writes >> >> > >Moving on to a more serious matter - my father. Does anyone have any >advice I can give him. My mother won't let him have a shed. He foolishly >accepted my mother's suggestion of knocking down the old shed and >building a kitchen extension for her and a garage for him. He now >realises a garage is not the same as a shed and is pining. It is costing >me a fortune taking him out for a pint to cheer him up. > >-- >Christopher Tell him to go to the local authority and get an allotment. Then, without your mother's knowledge, he can surreptitiously build a replacement shed and use it to his heart's content behind her back. Be a "closet shedder" as it were. Dave *********************************************************************** * "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. * Dave Healy * * Then give up; there's no point making a damn * "The CATS' * * fool of yourself" - W.C. Fields * Whiskers" * *********************************************************************** * The opinions expressed herein are solely mine and not those of * * my employers * *********************************************************************** Article: 139504 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> firthsei.cmu.edu (Robert Firth) wrote: >In article <4gfil0$50mwhitbeck.ncl.ac.uk> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> writes: > >>So a Gazebo is right out then? > >A gazebo is a shed that has been admitted to Mensa. Then is nothing faintly mensan about my gazebo pal. The very thought. Ed ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ | * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------ Article: 139505 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> Mary Christensen bmi.net> wrote: >I concur wholeheartedly with Melissa. This is a wonderful,non-combative >thread and I have enjoyed it. > >It brings back memories of a well-loved shed of mine....unfortunately >lost to a fire. Well, a shed of memory is better than no shed at all, >even if it was in the US. > RIP, it is a sad day when you lose your shed, but life goes on, there are other sheds to have, other collections of baffling tat to ponder over, you have a heritage to uphold. Ed ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ | * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------ Article: 139562 of soc.culture.british From: Mary Christensen bmi.net> Jeremy Barker jbark.demon.co.uk> wrote: > The Shed Thread > Shed Shed it's a fabulous shed > "Beautiful,lovely", or so she said. a lovely poem snipped a bit... > Finally, searching the thread through, we found > It's likely to end being burnt to the ground. > nice poem Jeremy...and oh, so true...a *&(!#$% arsonist....burnt my lovely shed...hence my special interest in this thread. I should hope this thread goes on and on....in it's own gentle way. Article: 139568 of soc.culture.british From: Susan Spence raynet.com> annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) wrote: >firthsei.cmu.edu (Robert Firth) wrote: > >>In article <4gfil0$50mwhitbeck.ncl.ac.uk> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> writes: > >>>So a Gazebo is right out then? > >>A gazebo is a shed that has been admitted to Mensa. > >That's kind of cute actually, although I'm having a hard time >picturing certain particularly sappy scenes inside sheds, events that >traditionally take place inside gazebos. I almost like them better in >the shed. > Everything is better in a shed. Even the word 'gazebo' is ridiculous. Article: 139581 of soc.culture.british From: Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> In article <4g8bov$t5pcentral.co.nz>, jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) writes: |> sheds and all. It had been my intention to hold back on the trellis |> thingy until sheds had settled, but it seems to be gathering a |> momentum with which I am currently unable to cope. |> So a Gazebo is right out then? Trev -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Look here, what has fish got to do with it? Why bring them up?" Wilkin did not bother to reply. Article: 139944 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) davidterminus.ericsson.se (David Bold) wrote: > I had a "shed-full" of beer one Friday night and was a bit ill >(all over the place, actually) the following day. Does this count? Only if you can sit in it contentedly for hours. Jeff Drabble Article: 140297 of soc.culture.british From: davidterminus.ericsson.se (David Bold) In article <4gjrlt$batabloid.amoco.com>, david_x_healyamoco.com (Dave Healy) writes: >Tell him to go to the local authority and get an allotment. Then, without >your mother's knowledge, he can surreptitiously build a replacement shed >and use it to his heart's content behind her back. Be a "closet shedder" >as it were. Yeah, but Eastender's Arthur Fowler had a shed on an allotment and he's in prison now for embezzlement. It's a slippery slope, you know. David. -- I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark Twain. Article: 140298 of soc.culture.british From: davidterminus.ericsson.se (David Bold) In article <1996Feb26.102405.19358terminus.ericsson.se>, davidterminus.ericsson.se (David Bold) writes: >In article <4gjrlt$batabloid.amoco.com>, david_x_healyamoco.com (Dave Healy) writes: >>Tell him to go to the local authority and get an allotment. Then, without >>your mother's knowledge, he can surreptitiously build a replacement shed >>and use it to his heart's content behind her back. Be a "closet shedder" >>as it were. > > Yeah, but Eastender's Arthur Fowler had a shed on an allotment >and he's in prison now for embezzlement. It's a slippery slope, you >know. Ooops. Can I point out poste haste that any resemblence to people on this newsgroup, living or dead, and perhaps sharing the same surname is purely coincidental. Honestly, Ed! David. (Frantically looking for my solicitor's telephone number) -- I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark Twain. Article: 140301 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: >So a Gazebo is right out then? You're on to it, Trev. Jeff Drabble Article: 140308 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> wrote: >C.A.Williamsshef.ac.uk (Chris Williams) wrote: >>Surely if one was to balance the bicycle obscurly on a rusty angle-brakect >>(100% shed so far) and then (here's the clever bit) festoon it with >>a much-kinked and probably perished garden hose - in such a way that >>neither hose nor bicycle can be safely retrieved without a small and very >>rusty carpet tack falling into one's eye - then it would be sheddy? >Oh rapture, oh glorious day, this is music unto mine ears, a true shed >devotee, the art of the newton assisted carpet tack is one which is rarely >seen these days, it takes me right back so it does. >Cue screen wobble - it's flashback time >scene - younger incarnation of Ed and slightly unhinged grandafther Look, I'm not going to try to go one better than this lot from Messrs Williams and Fowler. It is intensely and deeply sheddy, and is to be held in very high regard. Let me just say that it reveals the vastness that is shedding and shows that when some may say; "what more can be said of sheds", in truth, we have but scratched the surface. Jeff Drabble Article: 140357 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> Christopher Watkins uffa.demon.co.uk> wrote: snip >Moving on to a more serious matter - my father. Does anyone have any >advice I can give him. My mother won't let him have a shed. He foolishly >accepted my mother's suggestion of knocking down the old shed and >building a kitchen extension for her and a garage for him. He now >realises a garage is not the same as a shed and is pining. It is costing >me a fortune taking him out for a pint to cheer him up. > >-- >Christopher That is one of the most moving and eloquent things I have ever read, there are almost tears in my eyes as I type this. The struggle, the sucess, the final tragedy. My heart goes out to him, and to all those who have had a shed and lost it to the forces of cruel fate. Ed ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ | * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------ Article: 140379 of soc.culture.british From: david_x_healyamoco.com (Dave Healy) In article <1996Feb26.102405.19358terminus.ericsson.se>, davidterminus.ericsson.se (David Bold) says: > > Yeah, but Eastender's Arthur Fowler had a shed on an allotment >and he's in prison now for embezzlement. It's a slippery slope, you >know. > Ah, well, you see slippery slopes can be dangerous. You want to get some nice shuttering down, lay some concrete steps, brush finish. That'll do the trick, then you can re-cycle the shuttering into a shed extension. Dave *********************************************************************** * "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. * Dave Healy * * Then give up; there's no point making a damn * "The CATS' * * fool of yourself" - W.C. Fields * Whiskers" * *********************************************************************** * The opinions expressed herein are solely mine and not those of * * my employers * *********************************************************************** Article: 140810 of soc.culture.british From: mjfmhplb.hpl.hp.com (Miranda Mowbray) Someone asked for the lyrics to Flanders and Swann's masterpiece "In the Bath". I don't want to break copyright laws so here is a ditty about sheds instead. Oh I find such simple pleasure when I've had a tiring day In the shed, in the shed Wrapped in an old tarpaulin I can while the hours away In the shed, in the shed Oh, the perfume of the turpentine, the beetles' soft caress In rusting shears and Weedol there's a joy I can't express There's a comfort in the rotting wood that banishes distress In the shed, in the shed. Then the hatred of my fellows is repotted from my brain In the shed, in the shed And there sprout the sweet green shoots of human kindness once again In the shed, in the shed Through the holes in felt and roofing I can contemplate the sky A garden is a lovesome thing, God wot, and so do I When I get old and rusty take me out and let me die In the shed, in the shed. I can see the one salvation of the poor old human race In the shed, in the shed Let the leaders of each nation meet eachother face to face In the shed, in the shed Let Clinton oil the mower and let Major sit and muse Let Adams tend the greenery, there'll be peace in the News, Provided Zhirinovsky doesn't find my stash of booze In the shed, in the shed. Miranda "more of a gazebo person, actually" Mowbray. Article: 140811 of soc.culture.british From: mjfmhplb.hpl.hp.com (Miranda Mowbray) I would just like to point out that my last post ("In the shed") does not necessarily reflect the views of my employers, even though Hewlett Packard was started in a shed, which is now an Official Californian Landmark, and there is a well-lit closeup photo of said shed on the company calendar. Miranda. --------------------------------------------------------------- Best poem I read last year: http://149.132.130.48:4444/OBJ/13206 This post isn't necessarily HP's view either. Article: 140816 of soc.culture.british From: Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> In article <4gig69$4t2kaleka.seanet.com>, annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) writes: |> firthsei.cmu.edu (Robert Firth) wrote: |> |> >In article <4gfil0$50mwhitbeck.ncl.ac.uk> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> writes: |> |> >>So a Gazebo is right out then? |> |> >A gazebo is a shed that has been admitted to Mensa. |> |> That's kind of cute actually, although I'm having a hard time |> picturing certain particularly sappy scenes inside sheds, events that |> traditionally take place inside gazebos. I almost like them better in |> the shed. |> Daphne looked suggestively at the shed door, "It's awfully hot, it'll be much cooler inside". Justin looked lovingly at her and reached for the door handle. "Uh" he thought as his hand encountered the nylon rope with the frayed Gordian knot. With eyes glazing over with lust, he tore feverishly at the knot, becoming more and more desperate as finger nail after finger nail snapped and pinged off the corrugated iron door. Eventually he gave a triumphant yell as the sheet metal finally sawed through the rope. He stepped back and threw open the door with a dramatic flourish. As he lay there wondering who had put all those broken plant pots in such a stupid place, he became aware of a strange foisty and very organic odour. Looking around he saw the shed door on the ground and Daphne sitting in a pile of old Maxicrop bottles holding an old sack to the door induced gash in her head. "Darling" he cried dashing into the shed, "bugger" he cried as he bashed his head on a dangling bundle of lumber. Daphne essayed a brief smile and his heart went out to this vision of loveliness sitting demurely mopping her head as the maxicrop oozed into her undies.............. Yeh I know. Don't give up the day job. Trev -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Look here, what has fish got to do with it? Why bring them up?" Wilkin did not bother to reply. Article: 140921 of soc.culture.british From: Melissa Porter interpath.com> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: Looking around >he saw the shed door on the ground and Daphne sitting in a pile of old Maxicrop >bottles holding an old sack to the door induced gash in her head. "Darling" he >cried dashing into the shed, "bugger" he cried as he bashed his head on a dangling >bundle of lumber. Daphne essayed a brief smile and his heart went out to this >vision of loveliness sitting demurely mopping her head as the maxicrop oozed into >her undies.............. > >Yeh I know. Don't give up the day job. > > Trev > >-- >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"Look here, what has fish got to do with it? Why bring them up?" > Wilkin did not bother to reply. On the contrary, I thought it was quite romantic... I just hope Daphne and Justin have had tetanus boosters recently! Melissa ---------- The fundamentals of being human don't change with the labels we apply to them. Article: 141034 of soc.culture.british From: Mary Christensen bmi.net> Ah, a safe haven....in a chaotic world. Miranda, lovely poem...that says it all. Article: 141054 of soc.culture.british From: annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: > >Daphne looked suggestively at the shed door, "It's awfully hot, it'll be much >cooler inside". Justin looked lovingly at her and reached for the door handle. >"Uh" he thought as his hand encountered the nylon rope with the frayed Gordian >knot. With eyes glazing over with lust, he tore feverishly at the knot, >becoming more and more desperate as finger nail after finger nail snapped >and pinged off the corrugated iron door. Eventually he gave a triumphant yell as >the sheet metal finally sawed through the rope. He stepped back and threw open >the door with a dramatic flourish. >As he lay there wondering who had put all those broken plant pots in such a stupid >place, he became aware of a strange foisty and very organic odour. Looking around >he saw the shed door on the ground and Daphne sitting in a pile of old Maxicrop >bottles holding an old sack to the door induced gash in her head. "Darling" he >cried dashing into the shed, "bugger" he cried as he bashed his head on a dangling >bundle of lumber. Daphne essayed a brief smile and his heart went out to this >vision of loveliness sitting demurely mopping her head as the maxicrop oozed into >her undies.............. >Yeh I know. Don't give up the day job. > Trev > >-- >------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"Look here, what has fish got to do with it? Why bring them up?" > Wilkin did not bother to reply. Why not? I can't wait for the movie. Ann Article: 141174 of soc.culture.british From: Jeremy Barker jbark.demon.co.uk> In article <4gof5p$cuvcentral.co.nz> jefdrabcentral.co.nz "Jeff Drabble" writes: > Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: > > >So a Gazebo is right out then? > > You're on to it, Trev. > > Jeff Drabble I have just been reading Fouler's short book on >Modern English Shed Usage<. Refer to page 23 for a discussion of the >Gazebo Fallacy<. He also, interestingly, deals at some length with Freud's famous Shed Test . The following are some examples he gives of Shed Language. Where has your husband disappeared to? Oh,he suffers from the Shed Syndrome. Those documents - shall I shred them or shed them? She retired to another room for a little sheddle. I've lost my glasses They'll be in the shed. He's such a tidy person. Yes, an awful example of shedness. Fouler quotes approvingly of Shakespeare's final revision of Hamlet and especially of the line >Shed I, or shed I not: that is the question.< -- Jeremy Barker Even Scrooge could be reformed. Article: 141465 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) mjfmhplb.hpl.hp.com (Miranda Mowbray) wrote: >Someone asked for the lyrics to Flanders and Swann's masterpiece "In the >Bath". Miranda, that wasn't just someone, that was the Gentleman of Liesure. ( May the holes be huge, Dick, and the bunkers tiny.) Jeff Drabble Article: 141532 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: snip, the first attempt at an erotic story set in the post modernist shed > >Yeh I know. Don't give up the day job. > > Trev > Bravo, This is the type of material we need to see! Ed ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ | * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------ Article: 141747 of soc.culture.british From: Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> In article <4gvsr7$iudnrtphba6.bnr.ca>, Melissa Porter interpath.com> writes: |> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: |> |> |> I've never had my torrid goings-on regretfully snipped before. |> On the contrary, I thought it was quite romantic... |> |> I just hope Daphne and Justin have had tetanus boosters recently! Maxicrop in the undies romantic???? I can only presume this wonderous concoction has never reached your part of the world. Actually this brings me to the most evocative part of the shed, it's smell. One whiff of maxicrop brings back the memory of my dads shed which had a delectable smell made up of creosoted telegraph pole, maxicrop, foisty sacks and eau de James 150CC. It was an Aladdins cave containing such wonders as lead britains farm animals, tins of crystals, the James, tools, hurricane lamps, strings of onions, lethal sharp things, bits of telephones and of course maxicrop and other home brewed concoctions to increase the yield of the veg patch. Oh and I assume that the true shedder without adequate tetanus protection is a long extinct critter. On the other hand if anyone has survived a true shed without any form of protection for a decade or so, then would they please go out and buy me a lottery ticket. Trev "off to build the Sue Spence memorial gazebo" -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Look here, what has fish got to do with it? Why bring them up?" Wilkin did not bother to reply. Article: 141999 of soc.culture.british From: Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> In article <4h0g5o$7r7kaleka.seanet.com>, annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) writes: |> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: |> |> >Yeh I know. Don't give up the day job. |> |> Why not? I can't wait for the movie. |> | That raises all sorts of problems. The british film industry is dead, the French would turn it into some unintelligible angst ridden metaphor and Hollywood would have Sylvester Stallone grunting at the rope and then blowing the door off with his trusty pocket 155mm macho-penile-substitute-o-matic while Daphne pumps a few hundred extra cc's of silicone into her already unfeasibly conical boobs. I suppose channel 4 films might do it but then who would we get to play the lead roles? Ken and Em have fallen out and the producers would insist on making it upper crust to pull in the yank punters, next thing you know it's Hugh Grant and the bloody gazebo again. Trev -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Look here, what has fish got to do with it? Why bring them up?" Wilkin did not bother to reply. Article: 142063 of soc.culture.british From: spalbion.engr.sgi.com (Simon Patience) In article <4h6qbr$o25whitbeck.ncl.ac.uk>, Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> writes: |> |> Why not? I can't wait for the movie. |> | |> That raises all sorts of problems. The british film industry is dead, According to the Economist last week (SIMBT), the British film industry is doing very well and growing faster than any in Europe. Simon. -- Simon Patience Phone: (415) 933-4644 Silicon Graphics, Inc FAX: (415) 962-8404 2011 N. Shoreline Boulevard Email: spsgi.com Mountain View, CA 94043 Article: 142191 of soc.culture.british From: suenntp.best.com (Susan Spence) Trevor Kirby (Trevor.Kirbyncl.ac.uk) wrote: : In article <4h0g5o$7r7kaleka.seanet.com>, annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) writes: : |> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: : |> : : |> >Yeh I know. Don't give up the day job. : |> : |> Why not? I can't wait for the movie. : |> : | : That raises all sorts of problems. The british film industry is dead, You forgot to say "Film at 11". Anyway, I think it's been showing signs of life lately. : would turn it into some unintelligible angst ridden metaphor and : Hollywood would : have Sylvester Stallone grunting at the rope and then blowing the door : off with : his trusty pocket 155mm macho-penile-substitute-o-matic while Daphne : pumps a few : hundred extra cc's of silicone into her already unfeasibly conical boobs. KeWl. Can't wait till it's on cable. Article: 142749 of soc.culture.british From: Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> In article <4h43mo$i95lonweb1.lehman.com>, Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> writes: |> snip, the first attempt at an erotic story set in the post modernist shed |> > |> Bravo, This is the type of material we need to see! |> |> Ed Thank you Luvvies Darlings, for all the wonderful reviews, however I couldn't have done it with out my backup team .... and finally I'd like to thank Maxicrop for their sterling efforts to destroy every last one of my olfactory receptors. Now if you will excuse me there are a couple of pallets on a skip outside the Daysh which are just begging to surround my second compost heap. Trev "Two compost heaps, there's posh for you" -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Look here, what has fish got to do with it? Why bring them up?" Wilkin did not bother to reply. Article: 142750 of soc.culture.british From: Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> In article <4h8c4r$keanntp1.best.com>, suenntp.best.com (Susan Spence) writes: |> You forgot to say "Film at 11". Anyway, I think it's been showing |> signs of life lately. |> EyninStandit [Thank you Eric] READallerBARTit. Green shoots of recovery seen in British film industry, John Major asks if he can borrow a cup of them till the next election. Anyhow I never get to see Films at 11, they keep giving me some piffle about having to double my medication if I get excited. |> : his trusty pocket 155mm macho-penile-substitute-o-matic while Daphne |> : pumps a few |> : hundred extra cc's of silicone into her already unfeasibly conical boobs. |> |> KeWl. Can't wait till it's on cable. Are you allowed anything that tame on cable? Well if that's going to sell then we've got to have a shed shopping channel. I can just imagine some baffled bimbo oozing sincerity while expounding 3 million uses for a bottle of Maxicrop. This production was brought to you in glorious shedovision (tm). Trev -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Look here, what has fish got to do with it? Why bring them up?" Wilkin did not bother to reply. Article: 142957 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) suenntp.best.com (Susan Spence) wrote: >Trevor Kirby (Trevor.Kirbyncl.ac.uk) wrote: >: In article <4h0g5o$7r7kaleka.seanet.com>, annwseanet.com (Ann Weiner) writes: >: |> Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: Hell, I can't tell who wrote any of this, but anyway . . . . . . >: That raises all sorts of problems. The british film industry is dead, >You forgot to say "Film at 11". Anyway, I think it's been showing >signs of life lately. Agreed ! Even though the froggies had a finger in the cinematographic pie, "Carrington" wasn't half bad. There was a very acceptable scene where Dora became involved in a spot of rogering with her hubby's best friend in . . . yes, a SHED, while hubby flicked flies at the trout in a nearby brook. She's a healthy lass, that Emma Thompson. BTW, I assure you my attention was fully engaged with inspecting the appointments of the shed during this scene. Jeff Drabble Article: 143398 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> david_x_healyamoco.com (Dave Healy) wrote: snip > >Ah, well, you see slippery slopes can be dangerous. You want to get >some nice shuttering down, lay some concrete steps, brush finish. >That'll do the trick, then you can re-cycle the shuttering into >a shed extension. > >Dave > A shed extension, I like it! Perhaps we could have a shed with a loft conversion too. Ed ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ | * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------ Article: 140297 of soc.culture.british From: davidterminus.ericsson.se (David Bold) In article <4gjrlt$batabloid.amoco.com>, david_x_healyamoco.com (Dave Healy) writes: >Tell him to go to the local authority and get an allotment. Then, without >your mother's knowledge, he can surreptitiously build a replacement shed >and use it to his heart's content behind her back. Be a "closet shedder" >as it were. Yeah, but Eastender's Arthur Fowler had a shed on an allotment and he's in prison now for embezzlement. It's a slippery slope, you know. David. -- I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark Twain. Article: 140298 of soc.culture.british From: davidterminus.ericsson.se (David Bold) In article <1996Feb26.102405.19358terminus.ericsson.se>, davidterminus.ericsson.se (David Bold) writes: >In article <4gjrlt$batabloid.amoco.com>, david_x_healyamoco.com (Dave Healy) writes: >>Tell him to go to the local authority and get an allotment. Then, without >>your mother's knowledge, he can surreptitiously build a replacement shed >>and use it to his heart's content behind her back. Be a "closet shedder" >>as it were. > > Yeah, but Eastender's Arthur Fowler had a shed on an allotment >and he's in prison now for embezzlement. It's a slippery slope, you >know. Ooops. Can I point out poste haste that any resemblence to people on this newsgroup, living or dead, and perhaps sharing the same surname is purely coincidental. Honestly, Ed! David. (Frantically looking for my solicitor's telephone number) -- I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark Twain. Article: 140301 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) Trevor Kirby ncl.ac.uk> wrote: >So a Gazebo is right out then? You're on to it, Trev. Jeff Drabble Article: 140308 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> wrote: >C.A.Williamsshef.ac.uk (Chris Williams) wrote: >>Surely if one was to balance the bicycle obscurly on a rusty angle-brakect >>(100% shed so far) and then (here's the clever bit) festoon it with >>a much-kinked and probably perished garden hose - in such a way that >>neither hose nor bicycle can be safely retrieved without a small and very >>rusty carpet tack falling into one's eye - then it would be sheddy? >Oh rapture, oh glorious day, this is music unto mine ears, a true shed >devotee, the art of the newton assisted carpet tack is one which is rarely >seen these days, it takes me right back so it does. >Cue screen wobble - it's flashback time >scene - younger incarnation of Ed and slightly unhinged grandafther Look, I'm not going to try to go one better than this lot from Messrs Williams and Fowler. It is intensely and deeply sheddy, and is to be held in very high regard. Let me just say that it reveals the vastness that is shedding and shows that when some may say; "what more can be said of sheds", in truth, we have but scratched the surface. Jeff Drabble Article: 144147 of soc.culture.british From: jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> wrote: >david_x_healyamoco.com (Dave Healy) wrote: >>Ah, well, you see slippery slopes can be dangerous. You want to get >>some nice shuttering down, lay some concrete steps, brush finish. >>That'll do the trick, then you can re-cycle the shuttering into >>a shed extension. >A shed extension, I like it! Perhaps we could have a shed with a loft >conversion too. Lads, lads, is this the true shedding way? Surely the "less is more" attitude is the one we're after. If things were to go the way you suggest, soon we would have shedding entrepreneurs, high volume shed manufacturing, shed expositions, condominium sheds and on and . . . . Jeff Drabble Article: 145841 of soc.culture.british From: Ed Fowler gbccmail.lehman.com> jefdrabcentral.co.nz (Jeff Drabble) wrote: snip > >Lads, lads, is this the true shedding way? Surely the "less is more" >attitude is the one we're after. If things were to go the way you >suggest, soon we would have shedding entrepreneurs, high >volume shed manufacturing, shed expositions, condominium sheds >and on and . . . . > >Jeff Drabble > I dunno, I just duno, are we trying to preserve the true shed in a quite and gentle way, or should we evangelise and spread the word far and wide. Incidentally, my wife put some net curtains up in one of the sheds (god only knows why) and I timed there life span, do you know it took only 18hrs from pristene white to grubby brown with holes. Ed ------------------------------------------------------------ |Ed Fowler, Information Systems & Resources Co-ordinator | | Lehman Brothers International (Europe) Ltd | ------------------------------------------------------------ | * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * VOTE FOR UK.REC.SHEDS * | ------------------------------------------------------------ |All views expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect| | the past, present or future views of my employers. | ------------------------------------------------------------