FAQ for newsgroup uk.rec.sheds, version 2&3/7th 2000-02-04 (roughly) ============================== Part 4 of 8: Poetry, theorems, heroes Koans: koans are very popular on some newsgroups. So far we have one: Is a chain that has rusted to the point of homogeneous rigidity still a "chain" ? [Submitted by dingbat@codesmth.demon.co.uk (Andy Dingley) ] There're some rather good haiku at, um, ah, seem to have forgotten who it was that said they'd put them on the web. Ho hum. But in any case, Bob suggested an alternative poetic form, the sheddu: Sheddu need to be based on sheddy unit like number of firkins in wet fortnight last line should be long as piece of string at least one line should be quarter-inch Whitworth svany word should of course be omitted for sheddu become unsheddu if ever actually svavfurq ROT13 should be nccyvrq yvorenyyl. This may even be a We also have a proverb: "Oh what a tangled web we weave when a nail snags the wool on your cardigan sleave." (attributed to Jack "Yeltsin" Twelvetrees) [Submitted by Michael.Loughlin@jet.uk (Michael Loughlin)] Carl .LHS. Williams reckons that "If you sit in uk.rec.sheds long enough, the world will put a mousetrap under your door, that's what I say". And a song (to the tune of My Favourite Things) by Adrian Waterworth, from an idea by Gareth Evans, approved by Jeff Drabble, can be found at http://www.man.ac.uk/~zlsiida/sheds/favsong Ron C also penned a sheddy version of My Favourite Things which is at http://www.man.ac.uk/~zlsiida/sheds/favor.txt Wayne's version of Perfect Day can be found in the same directory in the file perfect.day "Theorems?" The Special Theory Of Shed Space : Details how all True Sheds are linked via a singularity in spacetime. Amongst other things, this theory explains why you can never find that No8 masonry bit (or only when you don't need it). I probably have the original post on the subject around here somewhere.... Anyway, one of its important corollaries deals with that tennis ball that's in the corner of every garage you've ever been in. Also there's some discussion about how shedness spreads beyond the actual shed itself - this may become a General Theory of Shed Space, if Ed Fowler ever gets round to it. As physicists deal with the weak and strong nuclear forces, so the master sheddists handle the weak and strong unclear forces. A job which is not for the faint of heart! Thanks to John Cooke for borrowing these terms from his friend Paul Fay and for the concepts of the knothole, the knorhole, and the knandhole. And to RonC for warning us of the dangers of the shack hole from which no tqt can ever escape and which may bring about the end of Shedspace. Some researchers are now working on a theory of the particles that mediate the weak unclear force, the tuits. The round tuit has been known even to the layman for some time, but there appear to be other 'flavours': up in right round charm jump back add go down on left get pattern see stick take come There may be other tuits still to be discovered, and the interelations between them need thorough investigation, by somebody, sometime. Eg, the get tuit and the up tuit have been combined into a coupling force many times in the planet's history. Quantum shedding has arrived, and Schroedinger has no idea what state Wayne's cat is in (though Wayne says "It'll be reet"). Bob Franklin was working on a theory that we are just a transmission medium for a shed-to-shed language in which the words are made up of items of tqt. Could happen. "Heroes?" Our patron saint is Jack Hargreaves, who used to introduce the tv show 'Out Of Town' from an amazing shed full of obscure tools which might well come in useful one day. Somebody claimed to have posted a midi file of the OOT theme to alt.binaries.sounds.midi but it wasn't there when I looked, maybe it is now, or of course it may well have expired on your news server by the time you read this..... A close second to sainthood is Adam Hart-Davies who is the narrator, pink helmeted cyclist and demonstrator of that other fine TV series "Local heroes". He once said: "There's no doubt that a barrel of gunpowder does serious damage to a garden shed". Sometime in August 1999 the vote was passed that he should be bestowed with the title Sheddi Knight. Rex Garrodd was known for his work on the Secret Life Of Machines with Tim Hunkin. His recent appearance on Robot Wars, where he managed to win without crunching his opponents too much and also inflicted satisfactory amounts of damage on the house robots, has led to his being given the entirely deserved title of Sheddi Knight. Bob Flowerdew has a very sheddy approach to gardening and has been given the title of Lord. One of his mentors, Trevor Bayliss (who invented the clockwork radio) is up for a title but it's not yet finally decided. If you want one of the saints the rest of the world knows about, then Jill Russell reminds me that we more-or-less settled some time ago on St.Jude: Judas Thaddaeus was one of Christ's Apostles and later became known as St Jude. For the next eighteen centuries, however, he was completely ignored. While other saints were invoked daily, hardly a prayer was offered in St Jude's direction. Frank Erskine tells us there are loads of other sheddy saints listed at:- http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/indexsnt.htm